We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize