1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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