there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
