I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
