3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
