last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
