First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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