I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Boobs are out for the taking
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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