i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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