...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
