I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
