I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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