Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
