I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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