omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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