I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
