this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
