I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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