i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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