OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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