Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
