Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
