i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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