I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
