Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
