Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This baby is an asshole
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
