Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
