***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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