I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
