Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize