when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
