I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
