his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
