You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize