You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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