where does the pee come out of this thing
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
