Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She bit a glass in half.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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