Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
