The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
