There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
