dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
