I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
