WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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