hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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