I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
