i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
