Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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