once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
