I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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