So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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