Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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