i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
