so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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