i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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