Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
