so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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