My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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