Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
