And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
