I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
