I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
