Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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