soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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