I wish I could punch you in the face.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize