I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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