you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
