I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
