batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
