in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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